To  the one who got away,

I never doubted my love for you. I love you with every inch and fiber of my being even with the short amount of time and little things we've done together. Our story might not be like those of in the movies nor in the books and yes, it did not start in the most exciting way.  Actually, ours started in the quietest way. Ours begun with my unrequited affection towards you.  You didn't know and I couldn't tell you. Yet. We weren't even friends to begin with but to me you always have this kind of way to lightened things around you.

You are like the soft golden hued of rays piercing throughout the crack of dawn. A light that somehow brings comfort and warmth that mesmerizes me; inviting me to gaze deeply in the amber glow of the horizon. A light that drags me out of the abyss of black that cast over during the night and a light that somehow brings me strength to struggle again, to fight and to seize the new day.  Yes, love to me you are a sunrise and my darkness surrenders to your light.

I remember how I used to steal glances of you. How I wanted to stare at you while you sit at one corner resting your jaw at one hand while the other sketched into details the city skyscrapers and how I like to hear your laugh and see those dimples that deepened at the corner of your lips every time you smile. I admit I don't remember everything yet I know I won't and I can't forget all those times, those moments, those short conversations, silly statements and unexpected help that draw us closer. You slowly saw my existence and yours made my heart race more and more.

I like to think of it that somehow fate works its magic on us; I was falling more in love with you and with the world's dazing twist and turns, you told me you're in love with me too. The curtains haven't close and the credits weren't flashed on the white screen; our story haven't ended. We just started to take on the road, together. Althroughout I fall more deeply in love with you. You have this perfect balance of inscrutability and effervescence.

You made me special in your own way. You are the best that I wish and could hope for. I look up to you. You're the one that open the opportunity for me to dream and for me to become a better version of myself. You are the person I will always have a high respect to. I see greatness in you. I see the best in you even at your worst. I see perfection even in your flaws. And I know you can reach heights, you can grab and hold of those dreams you have for yourself and even without your realization you are already miles ahead. And I am so proud of you, love.

But had you even at one point see me at that shade?

I am so sorry. I am sorry for starting to asked questions. I started to wonder if I deserve a gem like you. I somehow at one point feel like my hand is slipping away from yours. You are like the ocean, love and somehow I feel like I am only a drop of it. There, I began to call in query my self-worth. I feel like for every five steps I take you are already ten steps ahead. I am so proud of you and I also wanted you to be proud of me yet I feel so small, so little. Love, I never doubted my love for you; I only doubted myself. And I feel like I'm never good enough for you.

I love you so much and I don't know if you can ever know or will ever know how much I treasure you, how much I love you. Yet somehow I wish you knew so that maybe when you do, you can understand me and you can understand how deep pain pierced through me when those things we tried to build together crumbled down even if I was the one who gave the license of its wreckage. That maybe with this inexhaustible love I have for you, it could carry us both.  But I'm wrong, because too much of it drowned me.  Too much of it engulfed me and even devoured the love I needed for my own. I love you so much that I forgot to love myself.

I'm not blaming you, I'm not pointing finger at you, I just wanted you to know. I remember before I have always asked you if you truly loved me and I know at one point it made you angry and I'm sorry for those times. I'm sorry for not fully believing you when you said yes, for somehow trying to measure your love for me, for comparing your way of loving with mine. I guess I really just love you and that love made me feel afraid, so afraid. I was so afraid that maybe the love you felt for me was just pity.

 I don't want to be pitied especially not from you. I was afraid. I feel lost. I feel empty. But love, I badly wanted to be comforted, to be safe and to be found yet when you handed down the decision to me to either keep or shear our string, I choose the latter. I choose to broke us. And at that instant of letting your hands go, I quickly wanted to take and hold them back. I really wanted to, but I thought I was already caging you, holding you back and I know you deserve more, you deserve to fly; to be away from me because the truth, I feel like I was your chains.